Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
