I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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