would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
