i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
