well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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