omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
