A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
