I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did