so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon