Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
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It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I will pee on everything he values.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
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You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.