What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.