I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.