the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
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I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
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He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me