got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
