"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
