I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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