Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
