you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
