Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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