i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
