youre lurking in front of me
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
