Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
