New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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