I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize