you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
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A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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