You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
