I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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