if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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