Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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