Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
