i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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