hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
