In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
