I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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