forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She made me pour olive oil on her.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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