Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
