just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's never too late to be topless.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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