JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
