I'm gonna have a badass scar
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
