ugly people sure do ruin things
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
