i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
