did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
