Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
