i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
