Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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