Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
