Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
