I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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