Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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