dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
