I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
