I am in a vortex of obligation.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just threw up on my dentist
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
