how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
