whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
