Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
