New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Vodka?
Forever.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
