I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
