There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
