i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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