So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
