Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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