Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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