There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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