If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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