i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
