maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
