wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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