U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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