I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize