If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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