help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
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Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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