There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
