wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
In America we eat man semen.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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