someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize