just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
