Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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