Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
