You can't special order awesome
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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