I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
